Elegy
by Mlle. Elise
Summary: From you, I do not expect forgiveness or sympathy because I deserve neither. Rather, all I ask for is patience and if you can give me that, you are free to judge me as you will. Not as what I was but for who I am.


**Disclaimer: **This fictional work does not claim ownership over publicly recognized characters.

* * *

.oOo.

* * *

There are many rumors and stories about me.

Most are ridiculous, some offensive, but all are misleading. I think my favorite is the tale in which I subdued my husband by giving him a dish of spiced pickles laced with a sleeping potion then leaving in the cover of darkness, under the guise of a peddler who sold pots. I have been cast as many things: a princess, wife, mother, murderer, a ghost. In a few versions, I am the picture of kindness. In others, I am as cruel and ruthless as my husband was.

It has been almost forty years since my exile has ended. Age has not agreed with me. I cannot even carry lengthy conversations because even that alone wearies me. I sit in this hut, gazing into the past as I often do nowadays. I remember things in how they once were and I wonder at the circumstances that arose to change them.

From you, I do not expect forgiveness or sympathy because I deserve neither. Nor do I seek to justify or excuse my actions. Rather, all I ask for is patience and if you can give me that, you are free to judge me as you will. Not as what I was but for who I am.

* * *

.oOo.

* * *

Father was the one who first told me.

Initially, I took it as an elaborate hoax that my sisters persuaded him into participating. A proposal brokered by Fire Lord Sozin to join me and his grandson Ozai in matrimony. Father, upon reviewing the terms of the contract, was pleased enough to accept. On hearing this, I laughed. Silla and Taizhen were flabbergasted. Mother turned white as clay.

Then, Father carefully laid out the message scroll and gestured to the elegant calligraphy brushed onto the paper, the royal seal stamped in wax at the right corner.

My amusement died on the spot.

"You are shocked." Father noted. "It is understandable. This sort of match is far beyond our expectations."

I could do nothing but stare at the floor. I did not dare look at Mother, knowing what she was thinking. At seventeen, I was well aware of the unique friendship between Sozin and my illustrious grandfather, now deceased. The former being entirely at fault. I had no memories of Avatar Roku save recollections that Mother would describe to me. Mother was the Avatar's sole daughter and although to the world, he was a formidable warrior, to her, he was only a loving father. His unexpected death had been an incredible blow from which Mother never recovered. Her lively disposition darkened into depression and her mind became closed, averse to anything related to the Fire Nation.

So it came as no surprise that Mother considered the idea of her eldest daughter marrying into the family of her father's murderer beyond abhorrent. It was heinous. At the first opportunity, she voiced her opinions very clearly to Father on the subject.

"—how _dare _you _fail _to consult me on this!" Mother snapped out of her reticence and squarely faced Father. "How dare you _accept_ that _monster's_ request?"

"It's a fine proposal!" Father countered. "I would've been a fool to turn it down!"

"You are giving _my daughter_ to that vile creature's grandson!" Mother exclaimed in fury. "A murderer! A man who left my father to die!"

"There is no proof of that and you know it!" Father sounded exasperated as he had gone through this argument many times before. "You are jumping to conclusions as always—no one saw what happened."

"I know enough to understand the truth!" declared Mother.

"You are being selfish." Father narrowed his eyes. "Think of Ursa instead of yourself for once. Our daughter is to be married to a prince. She will have a far better life than the one we have provided for her."

"I would rather have her be married to a pauper than to be chained into the royal family!" Mother screamed. Her face glowed with incandescent rage as a few curls from her artfully arranged hair fell across her forehead.

"Have you even considered how fortunate we are to receive this?" Father shouted, pointing to the scroll. "We are not noblemen! We do not even have enough money to provide a dowry for Ursa and Sozin knows this! He says he will accept her without one!"

"How generous." Mother sneered.

"He is doing this in the memory of your father. He says he and Roku dreamed of uniting their families one day and this is the time to fulfill that wish—"

"—then pray tell me, dear husband." Mother interrupted. "If any of that is true, why didn't Sozin arrange with my father that I be wedded to crown prince Azulon?"

Father was taken aback by her logic.

"Sozin is up to something." Mother pressed on. "I don't know what it is but I don't trust anything he says. It would be unwise to give him Ursa."

"But—I have already given my consent." Father protested.

"Then retract it!"

"_This is the_ _ruler of the Fire Nation we are talking about! _I cannot say no to him!"

The argument ensued well into evening and became so heated that my sisters and I took our meals into our room for sanctuary. At first we did not speak to each other. We were still in shock as this was the first time we had to take the possibility of acquiring a husband seriously. We had grown so used to joking about it with our parents that we didn't think to fully explore what a marriage might mean for our family. Total division.

"I can't believe how stupid Papa is." Silla muttered at last. Like Mother, she too liked to make her feelings known to others. "He knows how much Mama hates the royal family."

"When does Ursa have to leave?" Taizhen asked in a clear, thin treble as she set down her cup.

"She's not going to leave!" Silla snapped. "No one's leaving or getting married. Mama will set Papa straight."

When I didn't say anything, both sisters looked at me inquiringly.

"Well?" Silla raised her brow in expectation.

"I think Papa's hands are tied." I said at last. "He is in no position to refuse. He doesn't have the rank or the finances to fully contend with the Fire Lord."

My answer was not at all to Silla's liking.

"Ursa, for heaven's sake, _react _for once! Aren't you upset? Papa just gave you away like you were a piece of meat to some stranger! I mean, really, imagine having Azulon as your father-in-law!"

"Do you think Sozin will let Papa say no to him?" I asked in turn.

"So you're just going to _go_?" Silla sounded incredulous.

"At least you get to be a princess." Taizhen added optimistically.

"It's not like she's getting engaged to Prince Charming," was Silla's sarcastic remark. "This Ozai is probably a jerk just like his grandfather."

I opened my mouth to respond but found I couldn't. Contrary to my sister's belief, I _was_ angry. Angry at Father for accepting, angry at being accused by Silla for not fighting harder. I wanted to tell her I understood, that I too was infuriated at our powerlessness in the situation. Instead, I shut my mouth and concentrated on finishing every last grain of rice in my bowl. It was hard to accept, as the oldest, that a younger sibling had more courage than I did in speaking her mind.

* * *

.oOo.

* * *

When Silla and Taizhen had gone to bed, Mother entered the room just before I was about to blow out the candle. In a low voice, she beckoned me to follow her outside into the garden and when we got there, she turned to face me.

Even after suffering the death of her father and giving birth to three children, she was still lovely to look at. Mother had been considered to be a beauty in her generation and though her eyes were not as wide as they once were and the radiance in her complexion had dimmed, her features had adopted a kind of special grace that one could not help but admire.

She did not waste time in telling me how her argument had ended. Father would not change his mind. I was to go in three months to the capital and be wedded there. Upon marriage, I would receive the title and rank of princess and be granted immediate precedence after Princess Jiyeon, the wife of Prince Iroh.

"This was done without my approval." Mother said as she finished explaining the details to me. She then gripped my shoulders with her hands and forced me to look at her in the eye.

"I know you are old enough to marry, dear one, and it is selfish of me to detain you from being received into the royal family. But…" Mother tenderly lifted my chin with her finger. "…I love you too much to be sacrificed like this."

Letting me go, she transferred a wrapped pack to me. From touch alone, it felt as though a clothes and food were stuffed inside of it.

"Mama, what…" I was bewildered.

"Listen to me." Her voice was full of urgency now. "You cannot stay here anymore. You must get away as fast and far as you can. I will contact you once Sozin and Ozai drop their suit. They won't wait so long for a bride and will eventually give up."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"You cannot go to any of our relatives. Hide yourself well, do not reveal your name, and don't you dare trust strangers."

"But—Mama—!"

Seizing my wrist, Mother pulled me to the garden gate. There, she forced me to change clothes. It was too dark for me to discern any details. All I felt was the silk nightgown brushing away from my body, the cool night air on my skin, then a sudden coarseness that chafed against my arms and legs. Then I could protest, she cut loose the ribbons from my braids then coiled them back into a wide brimmed hat.

"You're too pale for a country girl. We need to make you look darker." Mother said as she dusted my cheeks with dirt.

"This is absolutely ridiculous!" I was starting to think that she had gone mad but she spoke to me in perfect lucidity.

"No, this is practical. Once you leave, you cannot go about with the appearance of a gentleman's daughter."

Suddenly I was scared. She expected me to leave this instant? I was in my bedclothes and it was completely dark. I had no knowledge or skill in surviving the wild. I was not an experienced traveler either who knew the geography of all four countries nor was I a bender. I would not be able to defend myself even if my life depended on it.

Mother must have seen my fear for she addressed me directly. "Ursa, I know you're frightened but you _must _go now. You are not safe in this house anymore. Neither are your sisters and me. Until this betrothal is cancelled, our family is in danger. Sozin is watching us, I know he is."

She unlocked the gate and swept it wide open.

"Ursa, _go_." Mother commanded. "If you value your freedom at all, you will do as I say."

"Of course, I value—Mama, _please_—I—I have no idea where to go." I burst out. "I don't know what to do."

"Yes you do. All my daughters have their own special talents and personalities that will be fully unveiled in time." Mother replied. "Silla is quick on her feet and free-spirited. Taizhen is a sweet girl who is sensitive to the feelings of others."She paused then ran her fingers across my stained cheek. "There is more to this lovely face. Out of all my children, you have been the most sensible and the bravest."

Then, for what was to be the last time I would be embraced by her, Mother wrapped her arms around me.

"Everything I have done," she whispered into my ear, "I have done to protect you. Remember this, my darling. No matter how things change around you, never forget who you are. You are the granddaughter of an avatar, a man who sacrificed his life in the name of duty and honor. His legacy lives within you."

And so, having said her farewell, she let go of me and watched me cross the threshold and out into the open. Afraid, I kept looking back, expecting her to be gone but she continued to stay where she was until I could no longer see her from afar.


End file.
